went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
