I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
