Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
