After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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