any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
