if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
