Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
