dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
