Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
