doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
