There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
