He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
