Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
