Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
