I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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