Redeem this text for a blowjob
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
