I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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