Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
