totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
