you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
