So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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