This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
