The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
