This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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