And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
that is very illegal...i love you.
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