Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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