your parents love me but you hate me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
