Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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