Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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