he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
