Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
