You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
