hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
