The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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