I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She told me I should be a condom model.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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