I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
