shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I need a beard to bite.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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