please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
