You smell like stripper and shame
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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