my phone needs a breathalizer
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
