I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
