We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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