I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
