I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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