no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
