i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
