Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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