I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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