My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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