hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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